The voice that saves
by Sapphire1112
Summary: One shot. Connie's hope fades as the Cancer begins to take over. Can anyone talk to her? I do not own the characters.


"Like it or not, Sam – you seem to be able to talk to her in a way that _no one else_ can. Maybe it's because you've got Grace – I don't know, but right now you're the _only one_ she might listen too." Charlie commented down the phone. _He_ had tried to talk sense into Connie himself. _Duffy_ had tried. _Ethan_ had tried. _Even Jacob_. Now it was a case of desperate measures – the man who could probably get through to her lived thousands of miles away. _It's no wonder Connie felt alone._

" _Except_ I'm afraid that I might have _burnt_ that bridge when I did a midnight flit with our daughter." Sam sighed in response. "Do you know what's wrong with her, Charlie? - Has she told you?"

"Not in so many words." The nurse admitted. "When I spoke to her earlier at the hospital, She didn't _specifically_ admit to anything, but she more or less _confirmed_ what I suspected and when I came to her house just now to try and _talk_ to her again..."

" _What did she say?_ " Sam interrupted, desperate to hurry the explanation to the information he needed.

" _She didn't._ I don't think she saw me – she was getting into her car and she drove off. She's not _long_ been back from her shift at the hospital and she's _obviously_ been straight home, but – _she's cut her hair, Sam_ – between now and leaving work earlier. So what does _that_ suggest to you?"

Sam went quiet. "That she's having Chemotherapy and her hair is falling out – _it's the first thing I did._ "

"Exactly what I _suspected_." Charlie agreed. "You should be _here,_ Sam – you _and_ Grace. Connie needs you _both_ , but in the meantime – _please_ call her."

 **Connie**

I don't know how _long_ I've been sat here – a couple of hours, maybe more. It's dark now and it wasn't when I arrived. I don't know _why_ I'm still here. Summing up courage maybe – if _courage_ is the right word. Courage to _battle_ my Cancer – or not as the case maybe, who knows how long it will take.

My mobile rings and I glance at the screen. _'Sam mobile'_ is flashing before my eyes. The man I want to talk to _more than anyone_ – and the man I _never_ want to speak to again. I consider cancelling his call, because I still have no idea _how_ to talk to him after the way he left. I have no idea _how_ to tell him and Grace about the Cancer – the _thing_ that might prevent me from ever seeing them again. I still _hope_ to join them in Aspen in a few weeks, but my hope is fading _rapidly_ as the illness and the effects of the treatment take hold. _I'm exhausted_. I wish more than anything that we could go back to how we were right before they left – but we can't. That is nothing more than a distant dream now – sometimes I wonder whether _that_ happened at all.

It might be easier in the long run, to ignore them now – _easier for them_ , not for me. It's easier for them if they don't know anything. I don't want them to know _how much_ I suffered. How much it hurt not being with them – knowing that _I'd never be with them_. All I _ever_ wanted is to be a good mother, but I've screwed that up at _every opportunity_. I _really_ believed that Sam loved me and that this was a new start for the three of us. Now I wonder if he _ever_ loved me at all. Maybe he did – maybe he didn't. Maybe he was just trying to keep me quiet – lull me into a false sense of security, so that he could whip Grace away in the night when she was well enough. Deep down I find it hard to believe that Sam could be that cruel and I long for there to be a _reason_ behind it all, because it _destroyed me inside_. I suppose I'll never know now.

I'm never going to see my daughter again – and I'm never going to see Sam again. Maybe _this_ – this tumour is my punishment for all the times I've messed up with Grace. _It's the most painful punishment anyone could give me_. More painful than the Chemotherapy – watching my hair fall out and my life ebbing away. I only hope it gets easier for _them_ and in time they both realise that they're better off without me.

The screen of my phone is still flashing Sam's name urgently. He's not giving up and he's one of the two voices I want to hear _most_ in the whole word right now, so I decide to pick up after all, but I still have no idea what to say to him, so I pick up and say nothing.

" _Connie?_ " He asks the silence eventually. " _Are you there?_ "

"Yeah" I answer, my voice empty of emotion – I can't let on that I'm suffering, if it's the _last_ thing I can give them, I'll give them that. "I'm here." _For now, any_ _w_ _ay_.

There's a hesitant pause and I can tell that he's debating how to start whatever conversation he rang for. He eventually decides on the direct approach. "You've got _Cancer_ haven't you?"

" _What?_ How do _you_ know that?" I demand, unable to deny it.

"I spoke to Charlie – he came to your house trying to talk to you as you left. He said you've cut your hair...When I had Cancer, one of the _first_ things I did was shave my hair off. _You're having Chemo and your hair's falling out._ " He said quietly.

I see no point beating around the bush. _He's not – so I won't either._ "It's a Cardiothoracic tumour, but _so what?_ " I mutter down the phone. "Maybe it's what I _deserve._ "

Now it's his turn to be confused. "What do you mean – _'it's what you deserve?_ '!"

"I've screwed up with Grace _so many times_ – and I screwed _you_ up _right from the start_..."

"Wait – what do you mean you screwed _me_ up?!" he interrupts with _all_ his usual arrogance.

"Oh, you know _exactly_ what I mean!" I argue. "And maybe this is my _punishment_ – to _die without seeing you or Grace again."_

" _Your_ punishment...?" He starts.

I cut him off. "Grace is so much _happier_ with you, Sam – as you _keep_ telling me."

" _And what about me?!_ " He interjects, suddenly sounding angry.

" _What about you?!_ You made it _quite clear_ that you don't want me."

" _You_ think you're alone in this!" Sam retorts. "But-"

" _And why is that Sam?_ " I exclaim, cutting him off again. " _Who was it_ that _promised_ me a new family life for the 3 of us? - _Who was it_ that then took our daughter and _disappeared_ with her in the night? - _Who was it_ that 'forgot' to _inform_ me of _any_ of their plans?!" I state bitterly. "Huh? _Who was that, Sam_? So don't you _dare_ get angry with me for thinking that I'm alone."

"I'm sorry" He whispers down the phone.

 _Sorry? He's sorry!_ _That's_ his response? I can't speak for a minute and just shake my head tearfully – though I'm aware that he can't see me.

"You're _not_ going to die, Con." He tells me quietly.

"Oh, you _know_ that, do you?" I snap sharply.

"Just hold on for a bit long and you won't be alone." He says. " _We're coming back._ "

" _Are you?"_ I murmur, wondering if he _really_ said that.

"Yes. We're on the plane _right now._ " He tells me. "Because we _love_ you – and on that note, _somebody wants to speak to you.._."

" _Mummy?_ "

" _Gracie!_ " I exclaim tearfully – but for _once_ I'm crying because I'm happy. "Hello darling.

"I miss you" She says. "I love you _so much,_ Mummy – _I can't wait_ to see you."

"I love you too and _I can't wait_ to see you either." I whisper.

"Daddy wants to speak to you again."

" _I love you too, Connie._ " He tells me – with genuine love in his voice. " _Always._ "

" _I love you too, Sam_." I whisper.

After the call ends, I stare in front of me, past my dangling legs – down into the ravine where my exploded car once was. It was a fitting pit for my despair. Sam and Grace were gone, I was no longer fit to work and the Cancer was taking over - no matter how hard I tried to stop it, but my hope is restored. I manage a smile as I stand up and walk back to my car.

Everybody knows that everyone dies – but not _this way_.

 _And not today._


End file.
